|Before we got to the top ten I thought a tribute was in order
to the one "Bond Girl" that actually shows up in every
one of the first 20 James Bond films...
Miss Moneypenny. She has been played by three different
actresses throughout the first 20 films and did not show up in
2006's Casino Royale. Throughout the first 14 films she
was played by Canadian actress Lois Maxwell, following Maxwell
was Caroline Bliss who starred in the two Timothy Dalton Bond
films and then the ironically named Samantha Bond took over the
role for the four Bond films starring Pierce Brosnan. While this
isn't an official ranking you can think of it as a tribute to a
Bond Gal that we have all come to know and expect just about
every time out of the gates...
(The Man with the Golden Gun)
You already saw her at the #23 spot two days ago for her part as
Octopussy in the movie with the same name, but Maud Adams had a
much more appealing role as Andrea Anders in The Man with the
Golden Gun. Anders is the girlfriend of baddie Francisco
Scaramanga played by Christopher Lee and she is the reason Bond
becomes interested in Scaramanga when she sends Bond a note and
a golden bullet engraved with 007. The note i seemingly from
Scaramanga and when Bond believes the assassin means to kill him
the game begins. However, this is a side note in a much larger
story but it gives us reason to see Anders get busy with the
commander, all while Mary Goodnight is in the closet (unbeknownst
to Anders). Although she is ultimately killed due to her
treachery Anders is one of the sexier Bond Girls and well
deserving of her spot at #10.
Yet another girl who has received mention already on the list
when we referenced her sister Tilly back at #32. Too bad for us
though Tilly is the Masterson sister that lived while Jill was
painted in gold at the beginning of Goldfinger. At the
beginning of the film we meet Jill as she is posing as
Goldfinger's girlfriend and helping him cheat in a game of Gin
Rummy. Then Bond breaks into the room and proceeds to humiliate
Goldfinger and win Jill's affection just as she has won ours
wearing a black bikini and showing off a killer body.
Unfortunately Goldfinger gets his revenge when he sends Oddjob
up to knock out Bond and paint Jill entirely in gold and
suffocating her skin which ultimately kills her. While her stay
in the film is short it is a beginning we will never forget.
(From Russia with Love)
She's a plain Jane, but Daniela Bianchi has a scene in From
Russia with Love that makes me want her. After a
conversation with Bond she takes his tie and holds it in her
teeth with a smile that will absolutely give any Bond viewer a
rush. Tatiana Romanova isn't without the necessary sex appeal
that comes with a Bond Girl either. Just you imagine that a
corporal in Soviet Army Intelligence is feeding you covert
information and can' stop saying things like, "The
mechanism is... Oh [your name here]... Will you make love to me
all the time in England?" Yeah, I thought so. James is such
a pimp he simply sloughs it off saying, "Day and night. Go
on about the mechanism." There you go James, keep her in
If you are going to even try and say anything about Dominique
"Domino" Derval coming in at #7 let me just say this -
Runner Up at the 1958 Miss World. Yeah, who else was in the Miss
World contest? Keeping to a couple Bond alums lets just say
Michelle Yeoh (#20) and Halle Berry 3).
I would say Claudine is now legitimized. If you disagree I refer
you to the numerous sexy outfits she wears in Thunderball
including the black and whit number seen above. Apparently Auger
was so damn good producers re-wrote the part from an Italian
woman to that of a French woman to better suit Auger (source).
Nothin' says lovin' like re-writing a role. Cheers Claudine.
(A View to a Kill)
If I mention Salma
Hayek and Austin
Powers in the same breath I know that the hot tub scene in
the first Austin Powers movie pops right into your head,
and if you are a male I am sure even more popping occurs, but
this is a family site... sort of. Well, the reason that scene is
so sexy is because Fiona Fullerton playing Pola Ivanova showed
us how it was done to begin with. This is one of the sexiest
scenes in any of the Bond films and James takes full advantage.
Pola is a Soviet agent that has been taping A View to a Kill
baddie Max Zorin's conversations. Thanks to his bit of hot tub
seduction Bond gets what every man needs and the tape.
Score and score!
(Live and Let Die)
Solitaire is multi-talented, on top of being extremely hot she
can also tell the future! Talk about a chick I want with me:
Me: "Are you going to get pregnant this time?"
That is what I call a "getting out of a jam card." Of
course, there is a drawback, she must remain a virgin in order
to preserve her psychic powers. Considering Bond has already
defiled her I am going to have to hope her daughters have the
same powers. Otherwise, it will have to remain all a daydream.
Damn you James!
Me: "Better wait 'til tomorrow, good night."
For those that doubt this ranking you need to realize that
this is also a role that lets all the young ones know that Dr.
Quinn Medicine Woman was once a bonafide hottie! And Jane
Seymour was not only gorgeous back in 1973. All of you that saw Wedding
Crashers or the recent commercials for "In Case of
Emergency" know that she has aged extremely well as she is
now pushing 56-years-old and saying things such as, "I just
had my tits done. You like 'em?" in Wedding Crashers.
Come on, this chick has what I need!
Like Plenty O'Toole in Diamonds are Forever, Solange does
the same thing in the recently released Casino Royale as
she leaves audience members wanting more Solange and less Vesper
after she is killed off due to leaking information to Bond
during their almost one night stand. Unfortunately, Bond never
gets to taste her treats as he takes the information and bolts
for Miami leaving her with champagne and caviar. Uh, for anyone
that has seen this movie I think we can all say this is the
worst decision Bond has ever made. I mean look - it's official -
here she is at #4 on the Bond Girl list and James leaves for
Miami at that moment? If I remember correctly Bond always
chooses at least a quick bit o' sexy time before rushing off to
the job. Man, someone needs to add, "Make that 30 minutes,"
to Daniel Craig's vocabulary.
(Die Another Day)
Does Jinx deserve a #3 spot? This was a dilemma of mine only
because I think Halle's star has fallen since Die Another
Day. However, when all was said and done I couldn't help
but make her the third best Bond Girl. Halle has such a
beautiful face and such a smoking body it is impossible to
ignore. Plus she isn't afraid to toss out the sexual innuendos,
"So Bond's been explaining his Big Bang theory?"
"Oh yeah, I think I got the thrust of it." Very nice
there Jinxy, and how about her comment to Miranda Frost? "He
did you? I didn't know he was that desperate." The girl has
a bit of a bite and a body that doesn't quit, number three is
the spot for her.
(The Spy Who Loved Me)
Unless you are a true Bond fan you may not actually know who
Barbara Bach is, but the minute you see her in The Spy Who
Loved Me you will never wonder again. The screen capture
above is just the beginning of all the sexiness Barbara throws
on screen as Anya Amasova, or XXX if we are going to use her
Russian codename. Yeah, this chick starts off known as only XXX.
On top of that, she is running around in the outfit you see
above and getting soaking wet and offering up so much healthy
30-year-old breastage it isn't even funny. The decision to give
her the slot as the #2 Bond Girl of all time was not a hard one,
and for you trivia junkies she is also Ringo Starr's current
wife and has been since 1981. I would use the fact that a Beatle
would have taste to boost my decision, but we have all seen
Yoko, she messed everything up didn't she?
|How hot is she? Ian Fleming, the man himself, even references
Honey Ryder in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" as a
"beautiful movie star." Now that is saying something
to have that kind of impression.
So there you have it, and now I leave you with a tribute to the ladies
and the man that makes it all happen...
BOND, JAMES BOND
(Tomorrow Never Dies)
I think we all know that while Brosnan was a pretty good Bond
his films weren't that good. However, I think it is safe to say
is the best of the Brosnan Bonds. We had a decent villain, but
on top of that we had a fantastic Bond girl in the likes of
Michelle Yeoh as Wai Lin. Masquerading as a Chinese journalist,
Lin is actually an agent for China going after Elliot Carver
just as is Bond. Her moves and more importantl her
"shower" scene with Bond earns her a spot in the top
20. Recently Michelle is better known for her roles in Crouching
Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Memoirs of a Geisha, but she
will never be forgotten as a one-time Bond girl.
I am not sure if this will anger Bond fans or settle in nicely,
but Honor Blackman rolls in at number 19 with her performance as
Pussy Galore in Goldfinger. I will admit, this is
probably the best Bond name of them all in terms of word usage,
hearing Connery say, "You're a woman of many parts,
Pussy!" is classic. However, Honor is never really given
the appropriate scenes to show off her assets and we are
left with a couple of tight outfits, rumbles in the barn and
plenty of hands on the hips, which is the only reason she is
where she is on our list. Don't get me wrong, she will be
remembered as a Bond Girl for all-time... she just didn't make
it to the top ten of this list.
So, I was scared of Grace Jones and gave her a spot at number 30
with her role as May Day in A View to a Kill and believe
me I am just as scared of Famke after her performance in GoldenEye,
but Grace is not as hot as Famke and the name May Day compares
in no way to Xenia Onatopp. Sorry, that is yet another classic
name in Bond lore and earns Famke a higher spot on this list.
Xenia may have a bit of an aggressive attitude toward sex but
Bond counters it nicely at the spa when she tells him, "You
don't need the gun." Bond kindly responds, "Well, that
depends on your definition of safe sex." Nice move James,
and an even nicer one after you get close and then proceed to
burn her ass on the hot rocks...
(The Man with the Golden Gun)
Rumors have it that Britt was originally tapped to play Andrea
Anders in The Man with the Golden Gun, a role that went
to two-time Bond-er Maud Adams, but producers changed their mind
when they saw her in a bikini (source). This worries me a bit,
especially since I have her here at number 17, but when you see
what she is willing to do I think you will agree she is where
she belongs. Just before Bond and Mary Goodnight (another good
name) are about to bump uglies they are interrupted and she is
initially hidden under the sheets, but then Bond throws her in
the closet... Where she stays all night while Bond has the sexy
time with another woman and gets a good night's rest. The next
morning she is peeved, but who can stay mad at Bond for long...?
Not Mary Goodnight and that earns Mary her spot. Oh, and she
shows up in a bikini in the movie and I am not about to complain
and neither will you. So phooey to that rumor!
(Die Another Day)
Just looking at Rosamund Pike and knowing what a good actress
she is it is shocking to me that Die Another Day was her
feature film debut. However, she certainly took full advantage
of the situation as she played the double-crossing MI6 agent
Miranda Frost. Miranda has a way with the swords and with
Madonna as her teacher how can she go wrong? I kid of course and
NO, Madonna is not on this list thanks to her 15 second cameo.
As for how Miranda makes it this high is purely thanks to her
willingness to do what is necessary (a.k.a. get it on with
James) to get what she wants... That, of course, along with
being incredibly sexy and also for giving us the belly revealing
tank top fight scene at the end of the movie with Jinx (Halle
Berry). Can't argue with those facts, and if you think you can:
and clicky again.
(The Spy Who Loved Me)
I know I have said already that this list is not based solely on
looks, but to ignore the body on Caroline Munroe as she plays
Naomi in The Spy Who Loved Me would be a sin, and the
fact that she sides with the baddies makes her even that much
hotter. When she shows up on the boat in the scene previewed
above it really is a moment in the film you don't forget.
Whether you disagree or agree that Holly Goodhead deserves a #14
ranking is beside the point. Taking into consideration the
looks, the name and the fact that she is a NASA trained
astrophysicist working for the CIA that can fly a space shuttle
earns her this part. Goodhea people! Goodhead! Moonraker
may be one of the most absurd of all the Bond films but Holly is
not to blame. So why does Denise Richards get blasted for being
a nuclear chemist and Lois Chiles doesn't get the same treatment
for playing an astrophysicist? If you have to ask that question
then I don't think you deserve an answer.
(Diamonds are Forever)
Plenty O'Toole is in Diamonds are Forever for about 2
minutes - that is the only reason she isn't higher on this list,
and if you want to dispute that I refer you to exhibits A &
B above. Even in the downloads section on the official James
Bond website Plenty O'Toole is one of the few Bond Girls to have
her own wallpaper. That is saying something for this cling-on
that meets Bond at the casino when she hears how much he is
wagering. Unfortunately they don't get to seal the deal as
Plenty is tossed out the window and into the pool only a few
minutes later. It is a memorable role and one that almost earned
her a top ten spot.
(A View to a Kill)
Our second lady from A View to a Kill makes the list as
Tanya Roberts, who you may recognize more as Midge Pinciotti
from "That '70s Show" stars as the highly attractive
geologist Stacey Sutton. She is damn lucky she looks so good too
because she does some dumb shit. First off she gives James a gun
filled with rock salt to shoot at the bad guys (not effective)
and then she rips up a check for $5 million (not smart). Yeah,
she was basically selling her soul, but for $5 mil. you can have
mine. Plus, she is now with Bond, take the money and go back on
your word. It's a payoff, I don't see any contracts! I have a
feeling no one could ever stay in a relationship long with
Stacey, but then again, this is Bond - his relationships never
last long. Hell, his marriage only lasted a few minutes. Sorry
Tracy, that was a cheap shot.
(The World is not Enough)
Oh my, Sophie you are gorgeous. Sophie Marceau had been acting
for a while before we all came to know her as Princess Isabelle
in Braveheart. Born in Paris, France this beauty stars as
Elektra King, the first main female villain in the Bond series
of films. Of course, we all know The World is Not Enough
is not one of the best Bond films, but to say Elektra is not one
of the hottest Bond Girls is a sin. Sophie has faded into the
background as far as her career goes since TWINE, but
Elektra King lives on. Of course I am a sucker for French
accents on beautiful women, but I don't think I am going to get
any huge arguments here. She probably would have ranked in the
top ten had she not killed her own dad. WTF is up with that
Elektra? Not cool.
Here she is, the #1 Bond Girl of all-time and for the majority
of Bond fans I am sure this is not a shocker as Ursula's
appearance in Dr. No is a show stopper. She shows up
just a couple minutes over an hour into the film, which means
the next 48 minutes offer all the Honey Ryder goodness you could
ask for. She invented Bond Girls and is yet to be outdone!
Just like Pola Ivanova's appearance inspired Salma Hayek's in
Austin Powers, Honey Ryder was the inspiration for Jinx's
first scene in Die Another Day as she walked out of the
water in her retro bikini (check it out here), and even Mariah
Carey mimicked the moment in her appropriately named music video
for "Honey". Unfortunately for those ladies, first is
first, and Honey certainly is first. After accidentally getting
caught up in James' mission Honey holds her own along the way.
(A VIEW TO A KILL)
Okay, some of you may say this is too high and others will say
it is too low for Grace Jones. Here's the deal... Grace scares
the shit out of me. Yeah, look at the pic above, it was only
appropriate for this lady. With that said, we also have to take
into consideration what a night with Grace would be like. Yeah,
it could get freak nasty. Then again, you could also die. It
really is a toss up, but I felt to give her a lower rating would
be disrespectful and any higher might give her ideas.
(LICENCE TO KILL)
I'm all for short hair on females, but when Carey cut hers as
she played Pam Bouvier in Licence to Kill it was a bad
move and a move that earned her a spot at 29 rather than any
higher. There are definite positives to Pam that need to be
noted. 1) She can handle herself (example above) and 2)
she doesn't wince when Benicio
del Toro gets chopped up. Now that is a real lady, give her
a gun and she is complete. However, the hair cut and the whining
and complaining at the end of the movie
when she thinks Bond has decided to go with the sexier Lupe
Lamora places her right here where she belongs.
(TOMORROW NEVER DIES)
When her husband, media mogul Elliot Carver, calls her a
terrible liar he isn't exaggerating. Paris Carver may be hot,
but she is the cause of her own death and for a lot of Bond's
problems at the beginning of Tomorrow Never Dies. Just a
little white lie Paris, that is all we are asking for here.
Luckily she is done in by one of the most incompetent assassins
ever, but it was only right that her death be avenged by Bond
and her lies are just a memory as the rest of the story moves on
and so does our list.
If it wasn't for the forehead the size of a football field
Kristina would be so much higher on this list, especially after
her revealing getaway after stealing Bond's Faberge egg as she
was left only in bra and panties below his balcony.
Unfortunately, genetics and her desire to be with the slimy
Kamal Khan is her ultimate downfall as she falls just shy of the
(TE LIVING DAYLIGHTS)
Cute is the word for Maryam, not sexy, which is why she is the
last Bond Girl to fall just shy of the top 25. What Kara Milvoy
has going for her though is that she is in the arguably best
of them all, The Living Daylights.
(LICENCE TO KILLL)
Here is the girl Bond should have chosen at the end of Licence
to Kill as opposed to the whiny Pam Bouvier. She's sexier
and got that Puerto Rican blood flowing through her. Man, she is
hot and has earned her spot at number 25. On top of all this
there is a scene in the film where she is dressed in an amazing
red dress... Do it, do it... How hot is this one time
"Sports Illustrated" swimsuit model? You tell me.
(THE WORLS IS NOT ENOUGH)
Denise Richards is a high school graduate. Her character,
Christmas Jones, is a nuclear chemist. Denise Richards is HOT,
which is where the dilemma lies. I will remind you that this
list is not based on looks alone, and I blame none of this
casting debacle on Denise, she brought what she needed to for
the role, and both of them look great. However, to cast her as a
nuclear chemist is insane. Who thought this would work? I
understand that we all want to see Denise Richards in a wet
white t-shirt, but just cast her as Wet White T-Shirt Girl
instead of a nuclear chemist with the worst Bond Girl name of
them all. There is a line in The World is not Enough
where Christmas tells Bond not to make fun of the name, if that
line has to be written into the movie shouldn't that tell you to
replace the name altogether? Denise, you're hot, but not as a
This is not Maud's only appearance on the list as she starred in
another Bond movie as another Bond Girl, but first things first.
Adams stars as the title character in Octopussy. In the
film she runs a circus to cover up her jewelry smuggling ring,
not exactly the most intriguing of Bond storylines but Maud at
the age of 38 proves she still has it in her to be a Bond girl.
I respect the decision to go with Eva Green as Vesper Lynd in
the latest Bond iCasino Royale. The urge to go with some extreme
sex pot must have been great, but Eva brings a bit of class and
style to the part, on top of that she even brings a bit of
sexiness. Just look at her, how can you deny those eyes? If you
need further proof that Eva has what it takes, check out The
Dreamers where she more than reveals what she has to offer.
Eunice pulled double Bond duty as the sex starved Sylvia Trench
in both Dr. No and From Russia with Love, but
unlike Maud Adams who will be seen again she is only getting
credit for her part in Dr. No. Granted, she basically
begs for it at the beginning of From Russia with Love,
but when Bond is trying to do his work and she keeps bugging him
that is uncalled for. However, in Dr. No, when she
unexpectedly shows up in Bond's room wearing nothing but a dress
shirt and practicing her putting... well, that fills the bill.
Good on yah Sylvia
(For Your Eyes Only)
Coming in at number 40 is not something Lynn should be concerned
with, what she should be concerned with is hoping that she is
not this annoying in real life. Starring as Bibi in For Your
Eyes Only she manages to annoy the hell out of the audience
at every opportunity available by either whining or just
I will give her kudos though for hoping right into James' bed
and proclaiming she is not a virgin. Very classy Bibi, very
classy... She is cute, but her nuisance level gives her the last
spot on the list.
(For Your Eyes Only)
Starring Countess Lisl von Schlaf in 1981, 33-year-old Cassandra
Harris avoids the last spot on the list only thanks to her
unexpected nip slip as she seduces James by the fire. Now days I
think Cassandra would have been far sexier, but her bitch move
of getting a betting man to bet $1 million instead of $500k only
to lose to Bond is inexcusable.
On a completely separate note it is worth mentioning that
Cassandra is the late wife of Bond actor Pierce Brosnan. She was
the unfortunate victim of ovarian cancer and died in 1991 still
married to Pierce.
(You Only Live Twice)
You Only Live Twice has to be the least sexy Bond film of
them all. While Aki proved to be quite the guardian angel she
was also a bit deceptive and secretive at times, this is a
problem. When she bolted out of the car forcing James to chase
her down only to have him fall through the ground was a real
bitch move. However, since she seemed to always show up at the
right time and wasn't shy with the massages she earns a pass and
a spot at number 38.
(Live and Let Die)
I am a bit neutral on Gloria Hendry. Just looking at her you can
see she has got one hell of a body, but her character did
nothing for me. As Rosie Carver she played a double agent that
worked for Live and Let Die baddie Dr. Kananga who uses
voodoo to cover up his heroin business. Carver is quite scared
of voodoo, which turns her into a paranoid mess and she
eventually is killed by Kananga. Oh well.
I'm not quite sure if I am not attracted to Izabella or if I
grew so tired of saving Natalya's dumb ass on Nintendo 64's
"GoldenEye" but she just doesn't make the grade. I
also have to wonder, what's up with the normal name? Natalya
Simonova? Eight syllables and no sexy factor make her a
guaranteed bottom ringer.
You would think that any Bond girl willing to hop into the tub
and have a little one-on-one conversation is a guaranteed top
25, but Luciana falls short. When she killed Bond's fellow
agent, hottie Paula Caplan played by Martine Beswick, she
immediately drops to the lower rung. She also isn't as sexy as
that bath tub scene would lead you to believe.
(On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
I suppose in terms of Bond lore Tracy Di Vicenzo, a.k.a. Tracy
Bond, deserves a higher spot. In this case it did as I would
have probably had her a couple notches lower had she not been
Bond's late wife. Dying only minutes after their wedding in the
only George Lazenby starring Bond, , was really a poor move on
her part if she wanted to be higher on the list. Might I
recommend not getting shot next time Tracy?
Jill St. John
(Diamonds are Forever)
Check out her Cross Your Heart bra and that horrible wig! Yeah,
now you know why Jill St. John lands at number 33 starring as
Tiffany Case in Diamonds are Forever. The other reason
she falls short is because she gets trumped thanks to a very
short appearance by Lana Wood as Plenty O'Toole. Sorry, if you
are going to be the lead female in a Bond film you should try
harder to not be outdone by a two minute role. You also need to
beg for the name Plenty O'Toole, but more on that a little
She means well, but why couldn't have Tilly Masterson died in
the beginning of the film instead of her sister Jill? Shirley
Eaton was gorgeous as Goldfinger's girlfriend, Jill Masterson,
but when she turns up painted gold you only hope there is some
saving grace. While Honor Blackman does add a lot as Pussy
Galore, Tania Millet can't make up for the loss of Eaton. On top
of that, what is she doing driving like an idiot, barking orders
and almost killing Bond in an attempt to kill Goldfinger? At
least go to the gun range for a couple of minutes and maybe a
driving lesson is in order. No worries, Oddjob felt the same way
and ended her existence.
(For Your Eyes Only)
As this list was made Carole fell time and time again. It's the
eyes, they don't sparkle... they sag, and when they aren't
sagging they are staring right through you. Even when Melina
Havelock is getting ready for sexy time with James and delivers
the classic line, "For your eyes only, darling..." and
then drops her clothes you still don't get a rise. She is quite
vicious with the cross bow and she saves James several times
throughout the movie, but give me one more emotion other than
hangover and you are sure to rise further up the list.